You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
