i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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