Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
