he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
