there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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