You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
