Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
