I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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