Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
