At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
