He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
