Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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