First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
