Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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