For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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