Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
