How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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