This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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