yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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