Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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