You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize