she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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