Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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