I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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