to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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