Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
