You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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