Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
tell me about the eggs
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize