So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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