When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
