i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The power of my boobs compel you
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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