i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
