I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
