Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize