Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Houston, we have a blender
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
