Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
