this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
