There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
