every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
