Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
