It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
