we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
