the day after is always just damage control
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my poor anus
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
