i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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