I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
