So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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