It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
