dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
