the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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