The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You pole danced in your parka.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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