tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize