she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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