His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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