I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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