Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
