dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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