Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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