well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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