He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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