did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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