Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
