i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
