I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
