If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
