Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
