I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
