I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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