Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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