Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
