last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize