don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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