Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
