Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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