I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
