Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Found the puke drawer
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
