Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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