I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
