i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
