I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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