Will you blow on my dice?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Randomize
