period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
