how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
