He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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