I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
