Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
