I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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