i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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