I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
