you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You've changed since you got that strap on
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
