I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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