Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
