He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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