I'm eating all of the evidence.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
4 words: hood of his car
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
