i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
