I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
