I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think my moral compass just broke
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
