Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
