matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
