Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
