You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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